Revive me.

I've been on the fence about reviving this blog. Does anyone even read it? I decided I don't care about that part. It's fun to go back and read previous posts for me. It's like a journal and I like to reflect on what's changed.

So.... I've got to be honest about something. I really like blogging. I think it's a fun hobby and it doesn't hurt my hand like journaling. I've been really apprehensive about blogging for the last 8 months. Not only have I been somewhat busy but I also have been nervous about what I said. Throughout my college education and internship I've always heard teachers have to be VERY careful about what they post online. There jobs could be on the line for saying something like "Billy is so annoying" even if he is. So I've been scared that if I posted anything more about teaching than "it's going..." I could get fired.

Well... That's not a problem anymore! In the last month Mark and I have made the big decision to move! We are moving back to Washington sometime this summer. That is still up for discussion because of our lease. Because of this decision and a lot of silly political stuff going on at my school, I made the decision to resign. I walked up to my principal's office super nervous. I wasn't sure what I was going to feel. I said I prayer in my office right before I left that I would be comforted and not have a mini-freak out. I signed the paperwork, shook my principal's hand and walked back to my classroom. I had an instant calm and reassurance wash over me. I weight lifted off of me and I knew I made the right decision. Ever since I signed the paper work I feel like I've become a better teacher. I will attribute this to the fact that I no longer have the stress of what comes next weighing on my mind. I know that on May 17th I'll wave goodbye to those little monsters and fly to DISNEYWORLD the next day!

I can now be honest about my teaching experience. It has been hell. That might be an exaggeration.... there are honestly times when I don't hate it and it's not too bad. But there are days when 6th period gets over and I go into my office and put my head on my desk and try to keep myself from falling apart. This semester wasn't as hard as last in the teaching department. I knew what I was going to teach the next day and I have lessons prepared (I actually know what I'm going to do every day for the rest of the year!).

But this winter has done a number on me. I didn't know the light and weather could effect me so much but it's been really, really, really, really hard for me. I think we saw the last of 11 feet of snow, let me say that again 11 FEET OF SNOW, last weekend. Going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark was depressing. I was done for the day and ready to go to sleep around 4 in the afternoon. We also had some cold stints where the temperature hovered between -10 and 5 above. Adding the wind chill to that made it really bad. There were mornings I would wake up and pray that I would get sick so I didn't have to go to work. I began hating my job. I've never dreaded going to work so much.

High schoolers are hard. They are judgmental, inappropriate, irrational, unkind, bitter, vindictive, inconsiderate, and misbehaved. They don't understand that teachers DO have feelings. Most of them don't care about their education and could care less about what their future holds. They are so rude. I've never cried in front of them but I've done enough in the back room or after school. I never knew I could feel this way teaching. It's not like that every day. There are days when I think "okay, this is why I wanted to be a teacher". I haven't had enough of those. I've talked to my friends who are teacher and they LOVE it. They can't wait for the weekend to be over. They miss their kids. I've never had that feeling.

So I am relieved that we are leaving. I am relieved I don't have to endure another year a this school. With unwelcoming staff and insane teenagers. I have a countdown to the end of the year and I cross each day off the wall at the end of the day. Graduation is 3 weeks away. Prom was yesterday. I can't wait for summer.